Your divorce is likely to go much quicker and more amicably if you negotiate directly with your spouse on such essential issues as child custody, spousal and child support, and division of marital assets.
By the same token, you’re more likely to get what you want by using scientifically proven principles of persuasion.
In the New York Times Bestseller, Influence: Science and Practice, Dr. Robert Cialdini describes six universal principles that guide human behavior.
Below are the six principles and how you might use them in your divorce negotiations.
- Reciprocity
According to this principle, Dr. Cialdini explains that people are obliged to give back to others the form of a behavior that they received first.
For example, when your spouse feels heard and understood, he or she is generally more likely to listen and understand your point of view.
Therefore, when your spouse is speaking, make sure not to interrupt or jump in and disagree. Simply repeat back what you heard and clarify if what you heard is accurate.
You might also concede on something that is more important to your spouse than to you. For example, if your spouse wants to keep the marital residence and you want to move, you might agree your spouse can buy out your interest in the home.
- Liking
According to Dr. Cialdini, people prefer to say yes to those they like. He explains that we like people who are similar to us, pay us compliments, and cooperate with us towards mutual goals. Therefore, you might point out to your spouse common goals and interests, such as a common desire to do what is best for your children.
- Scarcity
Dr. Cialdini’s research revealed that people show a greater desire for an opportunity that is unique or obtainable for only a limited time.
Suppose you want to sell the marital residence. You might point out to your spouse the financial consequences if the home is not listed during the spring market when it’s likely to sell quicker at a higher price.
- Authority
This is the idea, according to Dr. Cialdini, that people follow the lead of credible, knowledgeable experts.
Perhaps you need to negotiate a child custody and parenting time agreement. You might engage the assistance of a reputable child psychologist. Child psychologists often have expertise in divorce and can weigh in on what might work best for your children at their ages.
- Consistency
Dr. Cialdini found that people like to be consistent with the things they previously said or done. His research reveals that human beings have a deep need to be seen as consistent.
This is also true for personality traits that people admire and have exhibited in the past.
Suppose you want to negotiate for more child support or alimony from your husband. You might share your appreciation for how well he has provided financially for the family. He might be inclined act consistently.
Also, any agreements with your spouse should be written down to increase the likelihood that your spouse will comply with agreed obligations.
- Consensus
According to this principle, Dr. Cialdini found that people will look to the actions and behaviors of others to determine their own.
You might prefer an equal child custody arrangement. You can point out that an overwhelming number of fathers share joint custody as a proven benefit for children.
Conclusion
By using Dr. Cialdini’s six principles of human behavior, you can increase the odds you will get what you want in your divorce agreement.
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