I can’t help but look around and see groups of people walking together while staring at their cell phones. What is going on? Am I the only one who is concerned about this? And I get it. We can share entertaining memes or videos. Sure. There’s that, of course. And don’t get me wrong – I too succumb to the pull of the iPhone more often than I’d like to admit.
But what I’m talking about is kids growing up not knowing how to personally interact with another person. In person. Reading facial expressions and social cues. Really listening and being able to have an authentic conversation. I’m also talking about missed opportunities for connection. Around a dinner table. Or out to dinner with friends waiting for your food. Or at an event where there’s people you don’t know and you use your phone as a way to soothe your anxiety instead of walking over to someone, introducing yourself and starting a conversation.
Ok, I may sound old (and I guess I am). But when I think about what it was like when there were no smart phones – or when the only phones were in our homes, I become what I can only describe as nostalgic. Nostalgic for all the impromptu creative things we did – including the ones for which we can now be thankful there were no photos or videos.
Sadly, the more often we turn to our iPhones and technology, the more opportunities we lose to develop authentic meaningful connections, romantic relationships, and friendships. And when times get tough, it’s what makes the biggest difference of all. To have someone we can turn to for much needed emotional support.
At the same time, close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, according to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies about what makes us live long, happy lives. This study tells us that social connection may be our single greatest need after food and shelter.
Social connection is so important that a lack of it over time affects our health more than smoking, obesity, and high blood pressure. The landmark study even suggests that prolonged loneliness can have the same effect on our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
After all, we are hardwired to connect with others, according to Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and author of several #1 New York Times bestsellers including The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly. Connecting with others, says Brown, is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.
Ironically, when we feel hurt or have experienced trauma (and who hasn’t?), we might distance ourselves from others to protect ourselves from getting hurt again. Of course, reaching out to a licensed mental health professional is always an option and may be necessary.
For those looking to deepen your social connections, I came across this recent article posted by Science of People entitled “15 Effective Ways to Connect With Absolutely Anyone, Anytime.” The article is packed with concrete actions you can implement right away to build deeper, more fulfilling, and emotionally secure connections. Science of People was founded by Vanessa Van Edwards “to deliver relatable, actionable, and reliable social skills strategies you can use in business, life, and love.”
Read the article to discover which questions to ask someone to deepen the connection. See how you can build up step by step to a more profound, long-lasting friendship. Find out ways to deepen a potential friendship through problem-solving, discussions, and mutual accountability and much more. See specific action steps and additional helpful articles, videos, and resources.
To form lasting bonds with others, it’s important to be open to getting out there and perhaps stepping outside of your comfort zone. I’m not saying it will be easy. But like committing to be physically healthy with diet and exercise, it’s equally, if not more, important to develop and nurture social connections so essential for our overall well-being and happiness.
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