An essential component of the ability to neutralize conflict in any situation is an awareness that you are responsible for the relationships you want to have in your life and the circumstances you want to create.

Many times we find ourselves in conflict with another person when both of you communicate from emotion, such as anger, frustration, or hurt.

Believe it or not, it is possible to manage your emotions and change the nature of your relationship.

Start by suspending all emotion and get clear on what kind of relationship you really want to have with this person.

For example, if you are divorced with children, putting aside all negativity for the moment, perhaps ideally you and your co-parent would be getting along and your children would be happy.  Suspend the urge to think “if only he or she would… .”  Put that judgment aside, it won’t help you achieve what you want.

Then, when you feel angry or frustrated when dealing with this person, again, let’s say, your ex, detach from the emotion and simply observe how it feels.  It is essential that you suspend all thoughts about what caused you to feel angry or frustrated or hurt.  That will only strengthen these emotions.  Continue this process until the negative emotion dissipates.

Finally, put yourself in the other person shoes.  How might he or she see this situation?  Listen to understand his or her point of view.

This process is not easy, although the rewards can be immeasurable.  It takes patience, practice and commitment to the higher goal of freeing yourself from conflict and preserving the relationship.

Feel free to contact me with any questions about how this process could work for you.