Whenever we react to someone or something, we can often spend a lot of negative energy arguing, defending, explaining, or convincing. Instead, wouldn’t it be far more satisfying to put that energy into standing for ourselves and our own needs? Certainly, when you are going through a divorce or facing any family law issue, it is far more productive and rewarding to focus your energy on rebuilding positive family connections and meeting your own needs rather than negatively reacting to your spouse, your lawyer or the legal system. The former empowers you while the latter makes you a victim.
Some suggestions for standing for yourself during the divorce process or when facing a family law issue:
1. It is important to remember that when we are focusing on someone else’s perceived shortcomings, chances are that we are neglecting ourselves. If you notice yourself having a strong negative reaction to someone or something, you might ask yourself what you have been avoiding or not facing in your own life. For example, perhaps you haven’t spoken to your mother in many years after an explosive argument and falling out. You also find yourself often blowing up at your children, your ex, or anyone or anything around you. Sure, you can justify your blowups but why not instead explore the anger you haven’t expressed towards your mother by keeping silent all these years? This is just one example. The point is that you might try identifying any areas in your life that you have been perpetually avoiding or putting off. This will put the focus on yourself and your own needs which in turn will likely reduce the need to focus on someone else’s perceived shortcomings.