Marriage is all about love. Finding the perfect partner, spending time getting to know each other, and then promising yourself to them for life. You plan your whole life around them, and begin living it. You might even be lucky enough to have children together.

Then, in an instant, it all comes crashing down. This is why divorce is so painful. Whether it was your decision, your partner’s decision, or even a mutual one, a separation was never what you planned at the beginning. It turns your world inside out and shakes you to the core. You might feel like your life will never be the same again.

As badly as divorce hurts, life can and will get better. In fact, most people are able to make it through a divorce without experiencing a traumatic bout of depression. The key is to work at your divorce, day by day, one step at a time.

Here are three critical steps to moving past your divorce and beginning your life again:

Identify and Leverage Your Support System

Going through a divorce alone can feel nearly impossible. Working through your feelings is a healthy and natural process that is made much easier by having a great support system. You need to surround yourself with family, friends, and loved ones, and spend as much time with them as possible. They’ll be able to cheer you up, give you much-needed inspiration, and help guide you through this difficult time.

If you’re having an especially difficult time, you should also consider seeking the assistance of a support group. You aren’t the only person going through a divorce, and you’ll be able to work through the process with other people experiencing the same issues as you are. Forcing yourself away from the rest of the world and isolating yourself is one of the worst things you can do.

Take Time For Yourself

When you’re married, your spouse is a significant part of who you are. Likely your hobbies, social circle, and habits have largely evolved around your relationship. If you aren’t able to begin building another life for yourself, it’s easy to simply sit around feeling angry, sad, or both.

The divorce process is the perfect time to begin exploring exactly who you are. Try to stretch yourself a bit by taking part in brand new hobbies, groups and activities. First, you’ll keep yourself occupied and not completely focused on the divorce. More importantly, you’ll begin to develop a new sense of self, while perhaps discovering new and exciting hobbies along the way.

Make the Process Quick and Painless

Just like ripping off a Band-Aid, the easiest way to reduce the pain of a divorce is making it go by quickly. Although you won’t get through it in a week, utilizing collaborative divorce can make the divorce process a lot faster.

In a litigated divorce, each side hires an attorney and they begin hashing a number of issues out: custody, dividing up assets, and much more. Whenever an agreement isn’t reached, the courts are involved. Lots of time and money is spent throughout the process.  Litigated divorce also, by its very nature, creates more conflict and stress.

A collaborative divorce, however, is focused on resolving the issues amicably for all parties involved. Each party does hire their own attorney, but the attorneys act as colleagues instead of adversaries and additional professionals including divorce coaches and financial professionals, are brought onto your “team” and are specially trained in collaborative divorce. Their only goal is helping everybody move on with their lives in a fair and timely fashion.

There are a number of benefits to a collaborative divorce:

• The quicker timeframe and reduced fees mean money is saved by both spouses.
• The emphasis on conflict resolution, along with specialized counselors, ensures that the impact of divorce is minimized for your children.
• The process is over sooner, allowing you to begin moving on with your lives.