Making the decision to divorce is never an easy one, and when children are involved it becomes even more difficult. Ideally, some form of family structure needs to be maintained in order to minimize adverse emotional consequences for the children. Therefore, couples should consider a divorce process that does not foster pitting one spouse against the other.
There is a relatively new divorce alternative designed to help spouses work together to reach a settlement agreement; thus, reducing the stress and emotional roller coaster that is commonly associated with the traditional divorce process. This option is called Collaborative Divorce.
With collaborative divorce, each spouse has his or her own attorney and a financial professional and/or divorce coach are enlisted as needed to assist with cost effective resolutions of such complicated issues as payment of alimony and identification and valuation of marital assets and debts. Another alternative is the mediation process, where a neutral mediator assists spouses in reaching a mutually beneficially divorce agreement.
Once you decide that you are ready to file for divorce, you need to choose the divorce process that is likely to best meet your needs. If you are interested in reaching a settlement with your spouse using collaborative divorce, the tips below are designed to help you start the process.
- Stay Civil with Your Spouse
Voice your concerns about the traditional divorce litigation process and the effect it would likely have on your children. Make it clear that you want to remain amicable co-parents and to do so you both need to be satisfied with the divorce settlement.
- Talk With Your Spouse about Collaborative Divorce
When approaching your spouse about this alternative, you might encounter hesitation, doubt, or resistance stemming from lack of trust during this tumultuous period. Therefore, it is a good idea to encourage your spouse to spend some time researching collaborative divorce and consult with an attorney, and then revisit the conversation in a few days.
- The Need to Co-Parent
Understand and convey to your spouse that even though the marriage may be ending, you will both be the parents of your children for the rest of your lives. Therefore, while the term “amicable divorce” may be a contradiction of terms, remaining civil and respectful to one another throughout the divorce process is far more likely to benefit your children than conflict. The conflict that results in a litigious divorce tends to more damaging to children than the separation itself.
- Remaining Cordial Allows Your Family to Enjoy Key Events Together
When your children see that your divorce is “amicable,” they will find it easier to adapt to the changes in their everyday lives. Additionally, both you and your spouse are much more likely to enjoy the same memorable events that married parents share such as school concerts, plays, birthday parties, graduation ceremonies, weddings, and grandchildren.
- Avoiding Litigation Can Save a Substantial Amount of Money
If you and your spouse choose to involve the court in your divorce, you lose the ability to control the final outcome involving the most important decisions in your lives, those involving your children and your finances. In this regard, you become subject to whether the court will direct that you retain and pay for expensive “experts” to advise the court in making these decisions, and the fees for a litigated divorce typically far exceed those in a collaborative divorce.
- Talk To Your Children About the Divorce Together
Once you and your spouse are ready to begin the collaborative divorce process, sit down with your children and discuss your decision. Keep it simple, and be sure to let them know that they are in no way responsible for your decision to divorce. Allow your children to ask questions and always be honest when you answer them. Make it clear that you and your spouse will always be their parents, will always love them, and will commit to work together to ensure that the transition is as smooth as possible.
